It's the 18th of June 2013 as I'm writing this, and I've just been asked by my boss to work on the weekend. It isn't the first time that this has happened, but it is the first time that I was outraged - to a point where I wanted to tear down my cubicle and take a dump on my boss's table before flipping everyone off on my way out - at being asked to work on Saturday.
The task wasn't even that time consuming - just a couple of hours in the afternoon and evening, but it made me want to punch through walls.
Why the sudden outburst? It's because my life has been increasingly spiralling out of my control, and I'm hating it. Financially, career-wise, health-wise, aspiration-wise, everything was sacrificed, not for some grand purpose or greater good, but just to survive.
But I don't want to simply subsist. I want to live.
The task wasn't even that time consuming - just a couple of hours in the afternoon and evening, but it made me want to punch through walls.
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| Or, you know, this. Image courtesy of Nomadical Sabbatical. |
Why the sudden outburst? It's because my life has been increasingly spiralling out of my control, and I'm hating it. Financially, career-wise, health-wise, aspiration-wise, everything was sacrificed, not for some grand purpose or greater good, but just to survive.
But I don't want to simply subsist. I want to live.
I want to be motivated and eager to wake up, and not feel like I need to constantly buy games or movies to numb myself to the pains of the corporate life. I want to know that my existence contributes to something greater than myself.
So I've decided to start this blog. It's a personal documentation of me retaking control of my life, by doing at least one thing that contribute to my dreams at least once a day.
I believe starting is the hardest part. From my observation, most of us are afraid of living because we've already made a psychological pact with ourselves to commit once we start. Intrinsically, we want to honor this pact, and we realize the kind of commitment we need to make to get where we want to be.
Which is why some of us shrink from it. We start rationalising that we need to be at a better place in our life before we start, and we say things like:
"Not now, there's too many things going on in my life, maybe later when things quiet down."
"I want to, but I just don't have the money."
"I'll do that as soon as I get X done,"
Here's the kicker though - that time is never going to come. Life doesn't spontaneously shower you with money and time to focus on what it is that makes you happy. There's no down period. It's just going to keep piling on bullshit on your plate until you're dead.
Which is why some of us shrink from it. We start rationalising that we need to be at a better place in our life before we start, and we say things like:
"Not now, there's too many things going on in my life, maybe later when things quiet down."
"I want to, but I just don't have the money."
"I'll do that as soon as I get X done,"
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| ...also known as procrastination. Image from Someecards.com |
Here's the kicker though - that time is never going to come. Life doesn't spontaneously shower you with money and time to focus on what it is that makes you happy. There's no down period. It's just going to keep piling on bullshit on your plate until you're dead.
Which is why if I'm serious about my life, I have to start now. This very second. I can't keep waiting for an auspicious date, wait for New Years, or get started on it right after I get some-whatever-bullshit done.
It has to be now.
And then keep doing at least one thing a day, until I get there.
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| Photo credit: Wikipedia |
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